Jokes

I came into the kitchen the other day and asked my wife what she was cooking.

She said: “Bacon.”

“All right,” I said, “what are you bakin’?”

—-

What did one orphan say to the other?

To the Batmobile Boy Wonder!

—-

You hear about the fat nun?

She just couldn’t get in the habit.

—-

What book in the Bible proves it’s the husband’s job to make the coffee?

Hebrews.

—-

Last week’s Texas tour got me to thinking of old friends. My buddy Lee Pearson used to tell this joke back in the early 80’s:

What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?

A huddle.

—-

This week’s joke comes to us from the ever-supportive Sam Heard:

Two cows are standing in a field. One of them asks the other, “So you’re not worried about mad cow disease?”

The other cow turns, wide-eyed, and whispers, “No. I’m a helicopter.”

—-

When I was little, I told my dad I wanted to be a musician when I grew up.

My dad looked at me and said: “Which is it gonna be, son?”

—-

What’s orange and looks good on hippies?

Fire.

—-

What do Clapton and old coffee have in common?

They’re both only good with cream.

—-

What does a guy with two left feet wear to the beach?

Flip-flips.

—-

This week’s joke comes from Joshua Mason Kerby:

How do you tell the difference in a bull and a cow?

If it’s not one, it’s the udder.

—-

Why do banjo players walk when they play?

They’re trying to get away from that noise!

—-

What did Batman bring to the party?

Just ice.

—-

What’s the difference in roast beef and pea soup?

Anybody can roast beef.

—–

What is Whitney Houston’s favorite kind of coordination?

Hand eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeye…

—–

Did you hear about the fire at the Texas A&M library?

They lost both of their books.

—–

I just went to a very emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

—–

I used to have a lute, but it got Baroque.

—–

Why don’t midgets become butchers?

The steaks are too high.

—–

How do roofers go up a ladder?

Shingle file.

One comment

  1. Two cows are standing in a field. One of them asks the other, “So you’re not worried about mad cow disease?” The other cow turns, wide-eyed, and whispers, “No. I’m a helicopter.”

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